Another rainy day, another day to let the words flow. Please just go with me on this ride, today's post may seem a bit dark but I promise I will thread it with a silver lining. This week has been filled with up and down emotions - common for most people, real that I am sharing it with the "world". My house is quiet as the chickens have flown the coup for the week, this quiet has allowed me an inner reflection that is scary, raw, and eye opening. Besides the typical day to day living, cleaning, working, exercising, I have been carrying the weight of a migraine or some level of pressure in my head for over a week now. I also have been prepping for the prep of my upcoming colonoscopy....yep I said it out loud. Fact of life y'all...we get older, these tests are necessary and on the cancer train, you are treated with the Gold Medical Package of fun and excitement. Rest assured before anyone goes "there', this is just routine. However, all the pain, prep, and other unmentionable side effects puts my brain into overdrive....basically, I think too much.
What happens when we open our minds and let all the thoughts flow and swirl like a kaleidoscope of colors. For some this excites a creative energy, a fulfilled sense of purpose....and then, for others it creates a tornado of panic. I fall somewhere between the two states of being. My migraines are a reminder of my physical well being, the load I have carried and the quirks it has forced me to wrap my arms around and accept. As I move through this week, wading through various side effects of medicine and the like, I have begun this mantra of "I'm not normal". This isn't a pity statement, I am not in my 24 hours of hell, it is simply what it is...I am falling into the trap of being defined by my circumstance. I am pretty sure I am not the only one this has happened to at one time or another.
Moving forward through the days, I took this acceptance and compartmentalized it into a small space in my mind. I still drove myself to setting goals and challenges, to working out with Beachbody Challenge Du Jour, eating well, and reading for my own personal development. I was determined to not let the mantra in my head bring me down to that level of hell but it was there...just hanging around. Funny how a simple statement in a conversation can cause a person to pause....and think....and remember.....we are only defined by what WE want to be defined by. Our thoughts manifest the reactions our mind and body experience.
While meeting for my weekly workout with my trainer/coach/friend, I was lamenting on about my tales of woe. Today was a workout filled with "I can't" "I can't breathe" "I need a moment" "hold on". It was hard to push without over pushing but I am committed to my wellness journey and along with my daily Beachbody workouts - thank you Beachbody All Access, I have a expert who guides me, challenges me, understands me, and helps me reach my goals. This friend said in conversation "you know what you are feeling is normal right, we all have some of these issues".....that very simple statement - something most people understand as truth, is something I have set aside for no other reason than I became momentarily defined by my circumstance and just a little dumb.
What is normal? By definition it means; according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle; conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern. We are human and unique and wonderful and gloriously special in our own way. I don't think there are 2 people out there who experience the same sense of normal. Of course, I am "not normal" I am not going to be conformed to a type, standard or pattern, I am me..... My shit is different than yours, it's different than my friends, or the neighbor on the corner. What a compassionate statement my friend made without even realizing the impact it had on me....until now....assuming she is reading. 😉
So y'all, here is my silver thread. Pick it up and weave into your consciousness....there is a mystery to what we each feel is normal. Some days, that definition of ourselves gets lost amongst the fray of work, children, spouses, illness, sadness, and a few dozen other hats we wear in our very busy lives. The beauty of OUR lives is as organic as a flowing river. As we change, grow, and move with the fluidity of our existence, our own definition of normal needs to be as fluid as that organic river. We are never one definition, never one set of circumstance. We are fluid and today I have learned to flow with what I am feeling. This is temporary and fleeting...tomorrow or next week, my normal will change, as I grow, as I learn, and as I am human.
Peace ✌
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