Hey y'all... it's me...
I am so grateful, I know I say that a
thousand times over but I truly am. I hope this post makes you a
chuckle a little, there's a little bit happy and a little bit sad all
wrapped up together.
Please read, share, enjoy and help my
words carry to those who may need them at this moment. I am doing this
journey the only way I know how, one step at a time, honest and true,
raw and powerful.
Thank you for your time and energy. Thank you for being part of this journey alongside of me and my family.
Peace,
Jo
Living Beyond The Color Pink...... an organic, evolving journey.: Ready, Set, Write...: Hey y'all... it's me... Some of you may have heard that I have a wee bit of writers block. The words are there in my head, as I a...
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
Ready, Set, Write...
Hey y'all... it's me...
Some of you may have heard that I have a wee bit of writers block. The words are there in my head, as I am driving I can formulate what I want to say. I hear the tone, the meaning, the intention for my piece yet when I sit down, it is as if someone has turned me upside down and shook all the words from my brain. I can literally hear birds and crickets chirping in the recesses of my mind. So in an effort to combat this, I am going to try and set the scene...quiet house, autumn scented candles, pumpkins sitting atop tables (I love fall decorations - they make me smile from the inside out), my Mantra Block turned just the right way (more on that later), water nearby, and I sit. I am sitting tall in my desk chair, shoulders back, deep yoga inhale in - 5,4,3,2,1 and exhale out 1,2,3,4,5... OK so now the magic happens.
Insert crickets here . Damn it to hell in a hand basket. I think and that alone could be my problem, I think too much, way too much. But I think that I am trying so hard to live within a state of peace these last 3 weeks of round 5, that I am not allowing myself to feel and say what I truly want to say and that is THIS SUCKS. I feel so disingenuous when I say that because many of you know a lot of AMAZING things have been happening to me lately. I mean, things I have never expected or thought I would be capable of and yet I am sitting here feeling dragged through the muddy waters of MBC. This only makes me feel as if I am not honoring my strength because this is the easy part of MBC. These combination chemotherapy pills that I take 21 out of every 28 days, are not the hardest hill I will face with my disease and yet here I am, sitting and thinking - I am so over this shit.
The other day a commercial came on the TV which was on in the background of my kitchen, I heard the announcer talking about this drug, these side effects, this woman's journey and I thought to myself "hey that's me" and then I realized they were talking about my drugs. The commercial was for my metastatic breast cancer oral chemotherapy. It was odd to me, I have seen those prescription drug commercials dozens of times but none were for a disease I was facing head on and it brought me right back to the beginning. The woman looked vibrant and strong and healthy and all I could think of was "LIES, I say LIES"!
I think - there is that word again, that part of my journey is a 2 step forward 1 step back sort of dance. I have been working so hard on learning a new way to live, a more zen reality, a softer side to my type A personality, a quieter introspective version of me. I have been working on my Faith, my yoga and motivational reading, my nutrition, my creativity, my devotion. The key word that stands out for me in that sentence is WORKING! None of this is my natural behavior - I have been away from church for quite some time and now I am back. I have never found the quiet breathing and stretching of yoga something I could handle and yet I find myself lying on a yoga mat. Reading has always been an escape for me, a juicy thriller or easy beach read yet now I am reading books on Anti Cancer and how to find joy. I am reaching less for the french fries and more for the green beans and salad and I have picked up a paint brush and electric sander to create My Mantra Blocks. These are all positive steps forward and all good for my body and soul, yet each one of these practices are foreign to me. I am learning a new language, a baby learning to crawl. There is one thing I have not yet told a soul. One very important tap on my shoulder. What if, none of these things work and what if I still leave sooner than anyone wants. I can't even get myself to say the words or type the words. And to my babies if you are reading... I love you, I am sorry, I will be OK. But what if none of this works - that has captured my words, holding them hostage in fear and paralyzing thought. What if...
Now that is some seriously heavy shit! Holy Mama - it is like releasing the hounds and my fingers want to move faster than my brain can handle. I know what y'all want to say to me - you want to slap me out of my what if mode and tell the cancer bitch to fuck off. I think that is something I am forgetting to do. I am trying so hard to keep myself upright even though this round wants to take me down, that I don't have the forethought to quiet the nasty trash talk from the little cancer bitch on my shoulder. And how frustrating that is... I can preach all of these good mantras yet I am forgetting to do what I know is the best, healthiest thing for me. I am forgetting to quiet my mind, breathe in the mindful moment and feel the gratefulness and humility for all the good things that are stirring in my world. I am forgetting there is restoration in rest and sleep and without all of this, I am denying myself the possibility of healing.
Maybe if I write them here and develop a mantra, my inner self will wake the hell up and take note that I am not on the down slope of death. Let's talk about some true Blessings.
First there is the Blessings of my family, friends and this community. You keep me going, you send
me strength, guidance and love and I am forever in your debt. Then there is the Blessings of my faith and finally seeing the small signs of faith around me, telling me my loved ones and God are always with me. Here is a little side note about that. Those of you who remember me, know I had beautiful curls and they were the essence of me. Then I lost my hair during my first dance with cancer and my hair came back and was poker straight. For the longest time, I had short, spiky, funky hair because I didn't know what to do without my curly mop. Honest, I was a little lost, a little shaken and I know that sounds silly. I mean, I faced cancer and a little hair, straight or curly is going to define me??? But really, it helped give me my JoJo MoJo and without the curls, I felt a little flat. About 6 weeks ago, I woke up one day and my curls were back. We have no idea why, I am not going to sit here and question or wonder but I can tell you - this is a sign. A little sign from God reminding me He is with me and He is quietly giving me an infusion of spirit.
More Blessings - I have hinted about a creative journey and for those who are friends with me on Facebook or Instagram, you have been able to witness the joy of my creation. Through my few yoga classes, I begin to resonate with the idea of a Mantra. Words that flow from me which describe me, my journey and my path. Words that I can breathe in and out and allow them to further my healing. I created MY MANTRA BLOCKS with 4 phrases that have been written about, spoken about, and meditated on, phrases that inspire positivity and a one phrase which points to realism. Now caution your eyes as their is a naughty word on my block but if you are a faithful reader, it will not be anything you haven't heard me say before.
My Mantra Blocks came to me after receiving a gift of inspiration from a friend. She jokingly said she was hoping to find something like that with a swear word on it and that is when the light bulb lit up bright. I have never created anything. I like spreadsheets not crafts. I do not like to get dirty and power tools frankly scare of shit out of me. However I casually mentioned the idea to John and together we created our first Mantra Block. I showed a few friends and voila - I seemed to have started a small, kitchen run business.
If you are interested in purchasing one of My Mantra Blocks - please email
or comment below. You can also like my Team Jo Jo Facebook page and private message me via Facebook. My Mantra Blocks contain all 4 phrases so you can shift your mantra to match your emotional path at that moment. My Mantra Blocks are $20.00 each and $4.00 for S/H and a portion of the proceeds benefit Metavivor - a Metastatic Breast Cancer Research Foundation. I really hope you love them and get a sweet chuckle out of them as much as I do.
Even more Blessings - this creative outlet has given way to a few inspirational talks I have been asked to give at a couple of private events. I never thought, ever that would be something I would do. It is challenging, exciting, humbling, joyous, scary, and AMAZING all at the same time. See, when I write it down - there are many, many Blessings in my life and I am always grateful, even on the days when I need reminders like these to keep me going, I am always, always grateful.
I don't know if you recall but at one time I said that I wasn't about to take up smoking a peace pipe and singing KumBaYa - I may be eating those words. Next time you see me, I am going to be the reincarnation of a 60's flower child - all peace, love, happiness. I will exude the essence of a yoga frog finding harmony among chaos and I will learn to love every moment of it on this crazy, AMAZING, life journey.
Peace ✌
Jo
Some of you may have heard that I have a wee bit of writers block. The words are there in my head, as I am driving I can formulate what I want to say. I hear the tone, the meaning, the intention for my piece yet when I sit down, it is as if someone has turned me upside down and shook all the words from my brain. I can literally hear birds and crickets chirping in the recesses of my mind. So in an effort to combat this, I am going to try and set the scene...quiet house, autumn scented candles, pumpkins sitting atop tables (I love fall decorations - they make me smile from the inside out), my Mantra Block turned just the right way (more on that later), water nearby, and I sit. I am sitting tall in my desk chair, shoulders back, deep yoga inhale in - 5,4,3,2,1 and exhale out 1,2,3,4,5... OK so now the magic happens.
Insert crickets here . Damn it to hell in a hand basket. I think and that alone could be my problem, I think too much, way too much. But I think that I am trying so hard to live within a state of peace these last 3 weeks of round 5, that I am not allowing myself to feel and say what I truly want to say and that is THIS SUCKS. I feel so disingenuous when I say that because many of you know a lot of AMAZING things have been happening to me lately. I mean, things I have never expected or thought I would be capable of and yet I am sitting here feeling dragged through the muddy waters of MBC. This only makes me feel as if I am not honoring my strength because this is the easy part of MBC. These combination chemotherapy pills that I take 21 out of every 28 days, are not the hardest hill I will face with my disease and yet here I am, sitting and thinking - I am so over this shit.
The other day a commercial came on the TV which was on in the background of my kitchen, I heard the announcer talking about this drug, these side effects, this woman's journey and I thought to myself "hey that's me" and then I realized they were talking about my drugs. The commercial was for my metastatic breast cancer oral chemotherapy. It was odd to me, I have seen those prescription drug commercials dozens of times but none were for a disease I was facing head on and it brought me right back to the beginning. The woman looked vibrant and strong and healthy and all I could think of was "LIES, I say LIES"!
I think - there is that word again, that part of my journey is a 2 step forward 1 step back sort of dance. I have been working so hard on learning a new way to live, a more zen reality, a softer side to my type A personality, a quieter introspective version of me. I have been working on my Faith, my yoga and motivational reading, my nutrition, my creativity, my devotion. The key word that stands out for me in that sentence is WORKING! None of this is my natural behavior - I have been away from church for quite some time and now I am back. I have never found the quiet breathing and stretching of yoga something I could handle and yet I find myself lying on a yoga mat. Reading has always been an escape for me, a juicy thriller or easy beach read yet now I am reading books on Anti Cancer and how to find joy. I am reaching less for the french fries and more for the green beans and salad and I have picked up a paint brush and electric sander to create My Mantra Blocks. These are all positive steps forward and all good for my body and soul, yet each one of these practices are foreign to me. I am learning a new language, a baby learning to crawl. There is one thing I have not yet told a soul. One very important tap on my shoulder. What if, none of these things work and what if I still leave sooner than anyone wants. I can't even get myself to say the words or type the words. And to my babies if you are reading... I love you, I am sorry, I will be OK. But what if none of this works - that has captured my words, holding them hostage in fear and paralyzing thought. What if...
Now that is some seriously heavy shit! Holy Mama - it is like releasing the hounds and my fingers want to move faster than my brain can handle. I know what y'all want to say to me - you want to slap me out of my what if mode and tell the cancer bitch to fuck off. I think that is something I am forgetting to do. I am trying so hard to keep myself upright even though this round wants to take me down, that I don't have the forethought to quiet the nasty trash talk from the little cancer bitch on my shoulder. And how frustrating that is... I can preach all of these good mantras yet I am forgetting to do what I know is the best, healthiest thing for me. I am forgetting to quiet my mind, breathe in the mindful moment and feel the gratefulness and humility for all the good things that are stirring in my world. I am forgetting there is restoration in rest and sleep and without all of this, I am denying myself the possibility of healing.
Maybe if I write them here and develop a mantra, my inner self will wake the hell up and take note that I am not on the down slope of death. Let's talk about some true Blessings.
First there is the Blessings of my family, friends and this community. You keep me going, you send
More Blessings - I have hinted about a creative journey and for those who are friends with me on Facebook or Instagram, you have been able to witness the joy of my creation. Through my few yoga classes, I begin to resonate with the idea of a Mantra. Words that flow from me which describe me, my journey and my path. Words that I can breathe in and out and allow them to further my healing. I created MY MANTRA BLOCKS with 4 phrases that have been written about, spoken about, and meditated on, phrases that inspire positivity and a one phrase which points to realism. Now caution your eyes as their is a naughty word on my block but if you are a faithful reader, it will not be anything you haven't heard me say before.
If you are interested in purchasing one of My Mantra Blocks - please email or comment below. You can also like my Team Jo Jo Facebook page and private message me via Facebook. My Mantra Blocks contain all 4 phrases so you can shift your mantra to match your emotional path at that moment. My Mantra Blocks are $20.00 each and $4.00 for S/H and a portion of the proceeds benefit Metavivor - a Metastatic Breast Cancer Research Foundation. I really hope you love them and get a sweet chuckle out of them as much as I do.
I don't know if you recall but at one time I said that I wasn't about to take up smoking a peace pipe and singing KumBaYa - I may be eating those words. Next time you see me, I am going to be the reincarnation of a 60's flower child - all peace, love, happiness. I will exude the essence of a yoga frog finding harmony among chaos and I will learn to love every moment of it on this crazy, AMAZING, life journey.
Peace ✌
Jo
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