Let's get er' done!

Hey y'all....it's me....

Just a quick note to say THANK YOU.  Everyone one of you are amazing and inspiring, and beautiful, and kind and I can go on and on.  Y'all are just showering me with love and prayers, good mojo and positive energy and I feel it....I am surrounded with a peace, a sense of readiness.  Almost 1400 blog views.....holy cats.....never would have thought that would happen.  I thought a few people here and there would read but this is unbelievable.  I am overflowing with emotion.  Let's just get this train a moving and get this shit going.  Project FU cancer is under way.

I have a few hours left before I head off to the hospital....it is a surreal time for me.  The world is moving in slow motion around me as I spin like a top....squirreling every 5 minutes.   There is still so much to do, see people, have meetings, do laundry, pay some bills, and oh yeah, redecorate my bedroom.  What did this crazy nut ball do....had my room painted all fresh and clean (just yesterday), bought new linens, and a few other things and with the help of some sweet angels, when I come home tomorrow I will get to rest and recover in a new space.  I will not be looking at the same walls and blankets that surrounded me during my last journey because it was time to say "Bye Felicia" to that ugly old shit. This is a new game, a new day, and a new start.

All of this is not to say that Chuckie the Cancer Bitch has not reared her ugly head these past few nights.  Each night as I lay down to sleep, I look over at John and say the same things...."I don't want to do this".  And each night he holds my hand and says the same thing back "well, we are....it's going to be OK".  It's as simple as that, there isn't much choice in the matter.  John has a way with breaking it down to the fewest words possible, yet they have the strongest meaning.  I will continue to fight Chuckie along the way....knowing that my mental game has to be 100% on point.  When we saw Dr. K yesterday, he had this great analogy of reminding us it's OK to enter the labyrinth, it's OK to fight the demon of death, it's important for us to talk about all of this, it's actually OK for us to be real about what we are facing, however, we are to leave the labyrinth shortly after entering.  We are not to dwell, we are not to think or feel we are fighting this alone, we are to believe in the hope we have and live in the now.

So for today my lovely friends, I am making this short and sweet...I am trying to live in the now.  I am ignoring the gnawing hunger that is going to make me eat my left arm off before we even enter the hospital.  I am going to ignore the nasty Cancer Bitch who is making me cranky and whispering to me to yell at every blasted thing in sight.  I am ignoring the sheets still in the washer and the fridge that needs to be cleaned out because as John says..."oh no, we can't have surgery with such atrocities in our home"....sarcastic pain in the ass.

I will blissfully accept the happy drugs they give me tonight.  I will think of my mom and dad and know they are with me in spirit.  I will remember the buttery soft feel of my dad's hands which help mine after my first round in the cancer ring.  I will dream of my kiddos, so happy and beautiful and know that tomorrow....I will continue forth on this journey, this path....taking the liquid gold of medicines to further ward off the Bitch.

I'll be back blogging away once the fog clears and my body begins to heal.  Until then, think happy thoughts, frogs dancing in the rain, chocolate covered sundaes, and pools of warm water with sunshine brightening the skies.  And before you ask....there still is no pot involved....I am just working on my positive imagery.

Peace ✌

Jo